More than a year has passed...

It's been over a year since my last post and a crazy year at that, with great moments and some of life's realities. I like to write, but don't allow myself time to sit and put words together. It's therapeutic to put your thoughts onto paper...get's the creative juices flowing and releases your mind of the burdens that can become all too consuming.

I turned 50 this year and suddenly the things my dad used to say started to ring true. I still feel 17, but the guy in the mirror will argue that and win. We are now blessed only with the memories and previous works of so many people. Peter Faulk, Clarence Clemons, John Walker, Jani Lane, Bubba Smith, Amy Winehouse...this list is too long. A byproduct of aging. So is remembering everything that used to be recalled with no effort.

I've lost some great friends and "parents" this past year. The younger brother of a former girlfriend. His fight was long and unfair. I remember him as a skinny, young kid that was more grown up then I was at the time. He grew to be an incredible man with a beautiful family that is now without this wise, humorous, loving and giving human being. Unfair in countless ways...

Then there are my other "Parents". Didn't matter who you were or where you came from, if you were in their house, you were well behaved...and you were always welcome. They were the parents of a friend that I have known since childhood. Dad went first, and rather suddenly. Mom went several weeks later from a variety of failures, but mostly from a broken heart. They were together for longer then I have been alive. I am still very saddened but can't imagine what their real children and grand children are going through. They are now resting peacefully in the same, well groomed landscape as my other Mom. A friend since kindergarten lost his Mom just over a year ago. I can still smell the cookies she baked as she removed them from the oven just as I arrived.

There were also some moments of defiance and triumph this past year. Breast cancer seems to rear it's ugly head more often these days, but it has been getting its ass kicked with a vengeance. I am so proud of the women in my circle that have been diagnosed with this special brand of 'C' word, but didn't, for one second, give it a chance to consume them. They all took this insidious disease by the roots and gave it no where to go but straight to hell. F*CK CANCER.

Although the circle of life contains some moments of sadness, there are always bright openings found within for opportunities of real living. Several trips back home for events around what has been described above were opportunity to tell stories with friends, old and new...and laugh more than the abdominal muscles wanted. Mini reunions with some of us that graduated high school together and turned 50 this year. Reunions with those of us that used to work together and could honestly call each other family. Oh, the laughter...

Finally, there was time to hang out with the friends I grew up with, that had a huge impact on who I am today, and that I am glad are still a part of my life. It's nice that time seems to stop when we are together, that we can be ourselves, that we can laugh, cry and act like we are still 17. Even if the mirror reflects otherwise.

Going back...

It's Saturday morning and our two dogs are occupying my lap while I surf through pictures on the internet. I wasn't long into it when pictures in my head started to reveal themselves...pictures of childhood memories, old friends, places I have been and places that I would like to go. Our senses are pretty powerful. A simple picture, a smell, a song on the radio, all have an amazing ability to open our mind to a plethora of previously locked away memories resulting in a flood of activity that can trigger every emotion to engage all at once.

A picture of a firetruck brought me back to kindergarten (another story in itself), which brought back memories of growing up with my best friend...playing football in his back yard, having sleep-overs...great stuff. Then there was the picture of an elderly couple...bam!! Just unlocked memories of going back to New York to visit family and staying at my grandparents house. The kids used to sleep in the attic. It was finished off as if it were designed just for us and smelled of cedar from some of the furniture.

Cedar. now I have smells to add to the mix. The smell of the air after a rainstorm brings back some fantastic memories of growing up in Colorado and playing in the rain during one of those famous Colorado afternoon thunderstorms. More smells came to mind, bringing back more memories...like going outside after dinner during the summer to run and play with friends and smelling the freshly cut grass or the flowers being invaded by the bees. Many of the neighborhood kids used to gather and play games like jailbreak, tag, kick the can...wow! Do kids still play these games?

Memories of past girlfriends...I still remember the first girl I kissed and where it took place. Watching my first crush at gymnastics practice. My first love and the great times we shared together sneaking out of our houses just so we could spend time together because we hated being apart. I am completely overwhelmed right now...so many memories coming back to make their existence a reality again. The time I broke my foot while washing the windows, the ice cream man giving me and my friends a free bomb pop because of all the times we bought from him and always said "thank you", riding our bikes on the newly paved neighborhood streets, playing football most every Sunday morning...sun, rain, or snow. Going to summer camp...the circus...to watch the Harlem Globetrotters...

Sometimes it seems that we live our lives just to get to the next day. Take some time to listen to your favorite songs, look through a few photos, or smell the freshly cut grass as you mow the yard. Don't hurry through today to get to tomorrow. Go back in time and remember what made you who you are today.

Old Friends

I often wonder what life would be like if we were able to stay in contact with everyone we met along the road of life. I actually love people. The stories, the backgrounds, their values and beliefs. We are all so different, yet very much alike. No matter where you are from, there are deep-rooted characteristics that make us all similar.

I digress. What happened to the girl (or boy) that you first kissed? Where do you think they are today and what do you think they are doing? How about the people you met in grade school or the friends you met in junior high that signed your year book? Wouldn't it be amazing to not have lost contact with them? I've heard it said before..."I don't have room in my life for any more friends" and really don't understand what that means. A friendship is the best relationship one can have with another human being (outside of marrying your best friend, if you are lucky enough to have done so).

Cultivating a friendship takes work, but if it's built on a solid foundation, it can be neglected, taken for granted, down right ignored, yet remain as strong as ever. It's a great bond. We live in the information age and the world has become a much smaller place. Social networking sites allow us to find old friends and catch up on years past. I find this amazing and exciting. My high school reunion was this past summer and it was a complete thrill to see everyone again. More exciting than that was catching up with everyone prior to seeing their ugly mugs. Gotta love Classmates, Facebook, et al.

Of the friends that I have been able to keep in touch with over the years, I consider all of them family. If you are lucky enough to have lived most of your life with a friend by your side, you know that there is nothing comparable to it. Someone that knows more about you than you know yourself. Someone that helps make you a better human being and is there no matter what. I have a few friends like that...friends that have been in my life for what seems forever. Damn, that's a special thing to be able to say!. It's even better when you can say that you have more than one person in your life that has been by your side for longer than you can remember.

Imagine what it would be like if everyone you met along the road of life was a friend...

Who's Judging who?

Many of you know that after being underemployed for 18 months, I am once again doing something better suited for me. During my time of underemployment, I was provided the opportunity to soul search, ask why, doubt, get pissed off, and realign what is important in life. I have a terrific wife who works with some pretty fantastic people. The president of the company gave me a position in which I could make some money, learn some new skills and feel self worth. Although it was way out of my realm and the money was drastically less than what I was used to, it was important for me to do.

Which brings me to one of life's great lessons...that of the golden rule. I went from a white collar position to a blue collar overnight and it was a drastic change for me, not only mentally, but physically. The physical part I could handle - I love to build things and take things apart, fix things and even break things. I thank my dad for showing me the value and use of tools. It was therapeutic to come home physically tired each night.

The mental aspect was what I became very conflicted with and in some instances, it was supported by the way people treated me. Somehow, because I was now wearing a uniform (albeit not that strict in adherence), no longer slacks and a dress shirt, people treated me as if they were better than me, simply because of my appearance. Somehow I became less educated and less refined to those that did not know me. Until engaged in conversation, I was seen as in a "lower class" then they.

I tried not to let if phase me, but it was difficult at times. If you are seen by society as being a certain way, one begins to believe it. I think that most people are good and generous by nature, but there is always a bit of judgment involved. Upbringing, family, friends, situations, and the like are all factors in how we behave and accept others. By no means am I an expert. I am only speaking of personal experience. I slowly began to feel myself sinking into the person that people saw me as...and I let it happen. Until I snapped out of feeling sorry for myself did I realize that I was in control of my environment. Why did I care how people saw me? Honestly, I think we all care about what people think of us. Some hide it better than others.

So, the way out of this environment was to change it. No, I didn't quit. I didn't start wearing different clothes (uniform...remember). I didn't completely fall into self pity because I was now doing something that I thought was lesser of my capabilities. No. What I did was something that I always have done. turned others attitudes around by maintaining a positive, professional attitude, and always looking for ways to improve what needed improvement - and that includes myself.

If people saw me as being the person they perceived, I needed to change that. An opportunity for improvement. I was being judged because I allowed myself to be judged...putting others in command of my environment. Once the control was placed on even ground (or turned around in some instances), life once again became more palatable.

It's such a simple concept and it has been around longer than any of us. The Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Regardless of who they are, where they came from, what they do or who they know, be kind and respectful to everyone you come in contact with. Surprisingly enough, you will be treated the same. If you don't want to be judged...don't judge others...

Growing older

My neighbor noticed that our other neighbor had dug a hole in the yard and had left his tools in the dirt. They’re an older couple so we didn't think anything of it...a job started to be completed soon. We cracked a few jokes about stepping on the rake and getting bonked in the head by its handle then went about our day.

While mowing the yard, I happened to see this elderly neighbor back out in the yard, again working on this hole. Prime opportunity to ask what he was up to; “that it is a long way to China to escape from his wife”. He laughed and stated that his sprinkler line had begun to leak and he was on a mending mission. I happily put the lawnmower in the shade and walked to my "parts" box, dug out a few items that I knew he was going to need, and proceeded to lend a hand. Older folks have no problem telling you what is on their mind. He quickly looked me in the eye and asked, "What business of this is yours" to which I replied "I want to go to China to".

He told me that he was working on finding the leak for three days. Dig a little, rest, dig a little more, rest, and so on. He is a stubborn man. He and his wife are Italians from New York. It's no wonder we get along. I say this because he knows that I am available to help, but he is too stubborn to ask this Italian boy from New York for it (I learned quickly to look for problems in his yard, fix them and keep my mouth shut. There was a time I thought their rose bushes needed trimming. I did so, then was yelled at by his wife "Leave my damn roses alone!!" That is the exact moment we became friends). We proceeded to mend the broken sprinkler line and sat to chat in the hot sun.

It was during our conversation that he mentioned to me that his wife's dementia and Alzheimer’s was worsening, that he wasn't as strong as he used to be, and that they were looking to sell their house and move to Vegas where they have a daughter. They would move into an assisted living facility and be closer to family while still being able to enjoy the heat. Emptiness came over me as if this conversation was being had with a close family member. I flirt with his wife all the time...and my wife flirts with him. Their reactions are cute as they laugh and flirt back. There is a strong mutual caring for each household that is truly special.
Again, I let him know that if they need anything, to give me a call...both of us knowing damn well that it wasn't going to happen.

Growing older can be a challenge and it’s a part of the cycle of life, but somehow, it doesn't seem to make it easier to accept. I suppose that if you are prepared for it makes it easier to accept and becomes no big deal. Our neighbors have a big family and they will be well taken care of and will never be alone. If they do decide to move, they will be missed dearly. Now we have a great excuse to go to Vegas.

I think I’ll call my mom.

Reflections on a Sunday morning

My wife is still sleeping and I am sitting on the couch with my dogs. Amazing animals. We spoil them as much as possible and they are truly our best friends. No matter the circumstance, they always remain full of unconditional love and work with us to improve our quality of life. There are often times when I cannot say that of my fellow human being.

Humans are a strange breed. When tragedy strikes, many come out of the woodwork and from behind the shadows to jump in and assist without hesitation, while others see the event as an opportunity for self gain. Looting, robbing, defacing, etc. Why is there such contrast? What makes one think, react and behave the way they do. Society, community, culture, friends...this list of contributors is long and each has every bit an impact as the other. It's complicated.

We need each other to survive, yet we desire to be individuals. We want to be self sufficient and independent, but that can not truly be. We will always need someting that another has to offer, whether it be materialistic goods or intellectual knowledge. So why is it that we compete in most everything we do (climbing the corporate ladder, excelling at sports or our occupations, having the best "toys")? It really shouldn't be as complicated as we make it. If we could sit back and clearly understand that we, as individuals, have our own set of contributing skills and knowledge, imagine how successful we all would be as a cooperative whole. Instead of seeing anothers weakness as a an opportunity for personal gain, seek out the strengths in everyone and work in a cooperative effort to acheive success, however it is individually defined, for everyone.

Imagine how that would improve all of our relationships. Co-workers, friends, spouses, neighbors, classmates...imagine the possibilities if we could honestly be unconditional and non-jugemental. Does human nature allow us to be that way? Are you capable?